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Tombstone of the Great One

by Richard Haxton

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1.
I felt greatness in my bones and here they are
2.
Come On In 00:45
You don’t have to hide. You can come here and play Cuz everybody here is different in a very special way If you’re looking for the norm you won’t find it here When everybody’s giving those guidelines disappear So if you’re timid or think you’re limited This is the place you heed to find Arms are open. It’s just what you’ve been hoping for Come on in. It’s all happening in my mind You’ll find it wonderful here Unless you piss me off
3.
I’m gonna eat up the past til there’s nothing left Then I’m gonna take a nap Gonna get up, go out into your world And take a gigantic crap From here on after You take your orders straight from me Living verse and chapter By the future book of history “In the prison of the future all prisoners will be their own guard” Cuz I’m a human Running from my history Hey, I’m just a human Please don’t make fun of me I’m doing the best I can
4.
The mighty king sits in his hall The lord and master of us all Surveys his kingdom all around Sees not a stir. Hears not a sound No one dare dispute his throne The law is laid, the deed is done To prove his subtle mastery He shouts commands at his TV All hail the king Let his praises ring Only once he left his kingdom clean To consort with a foreign queen The foolish queen refused to see His absolute authority He did not recognize defeat He tactfully made his retreat He swore he never would again Leave his fine and faithful land Chorus No outside threats disturb the king No doorbells, phones, no warning rings The trumpets sound, the subjects shout It’s time to take the garbage out He takes it out upon the hour He sweeps the dust as it hits the floor He keeps his kingdom clean and neat The war is lost when you admit defeat
5.
As I stride onto the new red carpet Everybody wants a shot of me So they point their cameras at the empty space Where what I was used to be I’m just a PR construction Just a walking billboard sign And if you see me as your model Your problems are worse than mine So thank you for this honor Wish I had time to do my crying bit But I think my crowning achievement is My ability to believe my own bullshit This song is a simple documentary about the trailer for the movie of the musical made from the book about the play based on the true story of the making of the commercial for the reality show
6.
I want to build a concrete mountain and paint it the color of rock With floodlit plastic trees and bushes so it’s beautiful round the clock Skies wide open for product placement and adjustable waterfalls And a big self cleaning river, in case nature calls I want lots of robot antelopes and automated big horn sheep And rock faces where you change the slopes, some 4 wheelers don’t like it steep And electronic sensor nets everywhere, if some hummer should take a plunge And sense-around sound all around with classic corporate grunge And it will be free for all rich people to enjoy I just need a country with destitute people to employ And it’s got to be flat where other mountains and hills are not A lot like Iraq, after we make that into a parking lot Free parking for any vehicle that gets less than ten miles per gallon Come on down
7.
All my people have been with me right along What don’t kill them always makes them strong Though some don’t make it, maybe they’re better off dead To understand it, come on inside my head First you got your good guys, who are just like me They wear the white hats and believe in democracy Then you got your bad guys all dressed in black They spend their time thinking evil thoughts sometimes they have to be whacked So my kids must kill them and throw them in a ditch To protect all of us good guys that Jesus made real rich God thinks we’re better so he gave us most of the dough We operate on the principle - if it hurts you, you don’t know Never doubt me and I’ll take you to the light May sound crazy but if I say it, it must be right All my people understand and they all agree That the truth is confusing unless it is told by me
8.
To insure highest quality and safety it is hereby decreed that all human beings will be produced in the central location. This production will be accomplished by the mega-womb using only pre-approved sperm and eggs Other methods of production are now unlawful and punishable by imprisonment and death
9.
Rupert 01:12
Rupert, you better git on in here boy How many times have I told you about that radio? Satan, is coming right out of that box But you’re too young and innocent to know Everything they say, every song they sing, Nothing but a great big lie It’s just bad people trying to control our minds But, Rupert, honey, don’t be scared Son, lemme dry your eyes And maybe one day Rupert you can be the one To clean it all up and lead them to the light And always be fair and balanced, son Always carry a gun and lean to the right
10.
Hyena 01:39
I don’t care who gets hurt, y’all It’s a bad move to get in my way I change my women like I change my shirt y’all A hundred lawyers take my pay And anybody warm can be bought or sold I don’t worry about no rules or regs I’ll do anything and I will not get caught The rich man runs with the poor man’s legs Hyena, the jungle has a law Not dog eat dog it’s sue or counter sue Hyena, if you want tooth and claw I’ll have you in court until the end of you Hyena, no cloud in my dark sky My father taught me all about the fight Hyena, in the jungle kill or die Since daddy died it’s all about the night
11.
My one desire is to help you all relax For relaxed people are more contented And tend not to question my facts I am funded by a huge consortium of various corporate slash government interests They have deep pockets and plenty of muscle And they’ll throw your ass in jail if you protest So don’t get burned by revolution’s fire Just play this song for all your friends Help me realize My one desire
12.
13.
Donald Trump 00:46
I turn it over in my mind I think about it all the time I’ve got to say it lest it sink my soul Donald Trump is an asshole My friends all tell me that I’m too nice Treat people right and you pay the price That’s why the Donald is my model role Cuz Donald Trump is an asshole
14.
I live deep in the desert. This August heat is dire If the AC can make it cold enough, I can build a fire Cuz I’m a sentimental person with capital to burn I like to sit near the flames with “The Art of War” And see if there’s anything left to learn Snowflakes in the desert in August - that’s what I’m dreaming of Is there nobody left in this lonely world that still cares about love? Charlie, another mint julep. Frank Jr., come quick and fan Why am I the only one who can show a caring hand? Yes, I’m the one with the open heart and I only aim to please William, get over here and put some salve on my disease They say I do nothing to help but what about my strike force And am I not the only man in this desert to build his own golf course? They can see it clear from the interstate, listen to them complain That twelve foot electrified fence is only dangerous in the rain And cuz it never rains I had to drain the aquifer just to fill up my lake They better build my tower high enough, so my final thirst I can slake Snowflakes in the desert in August When my tower is complete Snowflakes in the desert in August Frank Jr., come rub my feet
15.
I can see you want it all. I can see you want it now Let’s make a little deal. Let me show you how I don’t want your body just your mind and your soul You can give me everything be under my control Calling all whores or whores in training Calling all whores outside it’s raining Calling all whores. I can give you protection Calling all whores. It’s time to make the connection I can see you’re hungry. I’ll take you up another rung Just wrap your little mind around my duplicitous tongue
16.
Incredibly beautiful female, six o’clock. Unaccompanied. Approach. Conversation excellent. Sky is clear Incredibly beautiful female appears to be responding well. Objective in sight Danger, three o’clock. Drunk hostile male approaching at great speed Drunk hostile male males surprisingly intelligent and coherent comments Incredibly beautiful female appears to be responding. Mission in jeopardy. Mission in jeopardy Necessary to engage target. Let flow a barrage of clever scintillating comments Drunk hostile male stumbles off into darkness, three o’clock. Mission momentarily back on track Nine o’clock. Highly unattractive female approaching Incredibly beautiful now giggling approvingly at highly unattractive female’s comments Mission in danger. Mission in danger Incredibly beautiful female follows highly unattractive female off into darkness, nine o’clock Abort mission, repeat abort mission Sky is clear Twelve o’clock, moderately attractive female Approach Mission back on track. Sky is clear
17.
Put a happy face on the news Make it fun and light so it’s the favorite news out there Cover over the subtleties and the ambiguities Positive news is for everyone to share The world's not violent Death is not imminent Don't be a malcontent Give us a smile to show you care You could be president And fix the government Or start wars for gain and spite And wipe your butt with the bill or rights Do we just sit on our butts while psychopaths piss on everything fair Daddy will take care of everything. Daddy is a millionaire Positive news is for everyone to share
18.
Let us take a moment westward we will face And bow down to the setting sun, to the marketplace Put one hand upon your head and one on your wallet or purse and try to visualize an imaginary world where the numbers won't get worse God is in the numbers Let's bring him to the fore and as the sun sinks out of sight say buy, buy, buy, and then buy some more
19.
Think about how much shorter, how much more exciting All of our pro football games could be If we got rid of the ball, got rid of the goal lines And got rid of all them pesky referees We could give automatic weapons to the linemen Put mortars in the backfield And bazookas for every player’s wife Then we’d all be part of the action And when you bet on your favorite faction You wouldn’t be betting your money, you’d be betting your life Of course we would need special protection You know, for the cameras and the sports casters And all the important network execs It could become the new world fad Make you feel like a Baghdad mom and dad Hell, it might be better than sex Well, think about it
20.
We’re here to let you know that you are in our space Everything got to go. You’ll have to find a new life . You’ll have to find a new place Take your legacy and your name. Don’t make us call out swat You grandpa ought to be ashamed cuz he built his home in the future wal-mart parking lot We are the government. We’d like to think we’re here to help We are the government. We are the people you’re somebody else You ain’t done nothing wrong. That’s why there ain’t no fine One family can only own a home so long. And a hundred years is eternity in corporate time We are the government. Did we make our position clear? We are the government. We want you out by the end of the year We are the government. So what’s a few more refugees? We are the government. We’re keeping the company free Country free, company free, whatever
21.
People are simple and corrupt But god in his wisdom fixed that up You don’t have to worry bout what you’re missing That you ain’t got a pot to piss in That you ride the bus and I drive a Cadillac Cuz you know your preacher’s got you back If it’s Washington where I need to get I can get here quick in my corporate jet Cuz it’s an eye for an eye tooth for a tooth Them eye doctors and dentists are speaking the truth The death penalty’s good, abortion is bad Don’t give one the chance the other never had If you could see the faces that don’t grow up You’d know there’s places you need to blow up So won’t you join us and sing our song A hundred thousand can’t be wrong I wish you could talk to God direct, but he ain’t home He’s out in the desert hiding dinosaur bones To get the good word you need a good teacher And that’s why God made me your preacher
22.
I finally found myself a life quest And I work on it shine or rain One part involves how bad I can smell The other part how much weight I can gain And luckily both involve consumption Of vast quantities of beer If you set yourself a goal and hold on to your dream You fears just disappear Well maybe they don’t disappear But at least they’re held in check Until you finally achieve the status of Total mental and physical wreck So don’t let nobody tell ya That you can’t have it all too Yes, even you can be your own toilet If you try you can make it happen To you
23.
We come before the oh Lord at the beginning of the fiscal year asking you to help us keep everything in perspective and stand as a mighty beacon for us in these dark times whatever bla bla bla. If you can't handle that at least help us to keep the bureaucracy together help us to keep the money rolling in otherwise, how are we going to build expensive new churches and how are we going to distinguish our brand.. Help us, oh Lord, to keep everything simple but not so simple that it makes us look like fools. And if we do look like fools at least don't let us look like fools to the major contributors. Help us to remember that the organization comes first, and that nothing is possible if we don't maintain or improve this level of existence financially. Help us remember that money is the root of all evil, but unfortunately you have to pay to play. Give our humble parishioners the wisdom to prevail in their time of great struggle, but not so much wisdom that they won't give a large percentage of their income to us. And remember, oh Lord that we made a deal many years ago, and for you to back out now, could mean that things might not go that well for you either. Wait a minute lord, please don't construe those words as a threat, but let's cut to the chase, if we don't open these bozos' wallets somebody around here is going to have to get a real job. In your holy name we pray. Amen
24.
War is always good for bidness, isn't it Helping us with our fiscal fitness, isn't it The military industrial complex ain't mean When you're too poor to eat you start to get lean Keep saving it up for our favorite machine, pyramidin' it CEO's say - Don't let the war stop Idle guns are the devil's workshop Every day let bombs burst in the air To remind us our flag is still there Now every day's the Fourth of July, isn't it? Just try to keep your paranoia dialed up super high Foes come and go so keep your powder pure With a war always on, you always feel secure War will give you meaning, direction to your soul Peace ain't nothing but a big black hole Boring as a graveyard
25.
Some of the radicals around here seem to believe That just because the workers of our town government are paid for by corporate sponsorship We make our decisions based on the corporations’ best interest This is ridiculous Things have always been this way, the corporations were here first, And everything we do is based on a healthy relationship Between government and big business Can you believe that these extremists want to discontinue Our local dentists long standing policy of etching corporate logos on our children’s teeth? And they want to remove the facial logo tattoos many of us already have They say our Wal-mart manager should no longer be able to Chair our town council meetings and perform all our marriages This is blasphemy My God, they plan to close down Exxon times How are we gonna get our news? Next they will be dismantling the oil refineries in our very front yards This is outrageous We will be crippled by the huge cost of the extraction of our inner ear balance adjusters Not to mention that of the demolition of the central transmitter that broadcasts our balance instructions How will we keep our spirits high without our corporate enthusiasm DNA enhancers? And what kind of sick misguided society will this be without our subliminal sleep instructors? Can you imagine how we will limit the spread of radical propaganda without the psychic white noise generators on our church steeples? We must not allow these radicals to propagate the dangerous myth that the power to solve our own problems exists within ourselves This will destroy our economy And more to the point – What are the hard working officials of the town going to do without our corporate supplemental stipends? Let’s just call this thing what it is It’s a communist conspiracy to bring down the most prominent citizens of our town This cannot be allowed to stand Desperate measures are now called for We must act now to stop these maniacs
26.
The dipper sails around the North Star Just like the hands of a clock The moon goes full and disappears Just like breathing in and breathing out The ozone at the poles burns up While down below the ice sheets melt The ocean’s gonna rise twenty feet So don’t you be the ones left out Beachfront property in Arizona I know it sounds too good to be true Now you won’t have to adapt to ocean floor living Can’t you hear the desert calling you And if you heed the call you can have it all And all for a ridiculously low down payment
27.
Everybody knows that the famous people are different from you and me But how many of you understand that none of them ever have to pee? And every one of them have to be in the secret society That’s run by the queen and Don and Larry King Cause the famous people are the children of God And the rest of us are in the cheerleading squad The most dangerous ones used to be famous but they ain’t famous no more So if one of them knocks don’t you open your door Unless you want to be bored to tears with their stories of days of yore
28.
You should never use the ‘N’ word It’s derogatory and obscene The problem is when you use the word “the ‘N’ Word” instead of the “N” word Everybody knows what word you mean So the best thing to do is use this word “the word formally know as the word “the ‘n’ word”” And when you use the word “the word formally known as the word “the ‘N’ word”” Nobody gets hurt And everything stays all clear and clean
29.
I'm Sorry 01:10
I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life And here I’ve just done another one And I’m probably going to do some more Cut. Take two I’ve do a lot of bad things in my life And here I’ve just done another one I just need to tell somebody how sorry I am My career is in the toilet And I’m hoping this will give it some juice Cut. Take three I’ve do a lot of bad things in my life And here I’ve just done another one I just need to tell somebody how sorry I am So to each of you out there, if I’ve hurt you in any way, I just want to say – I’m so damn sorry Please, forgive me Cut. Print
30.
Downsize 00:56
Your mom and I have found it necessary to call you in this morning because we’ve just completed and inventory or active family members, and in doing so we reviewed every member’s quarterly performance report and we’re sorry to have to inform you that the family’s going to have to downsize and we’re going to have to let you go. You shouldn’t take this personally, however, because, essentially, it is an inventory problem, and after seven years you certainly understand the concept of the bottom line, so we won’t have to review that. Right now we’d like to take this opportunity to present you with this commemorative stainless steel spoon and to assure you that you will be allowed two full days to remove any non-family-purchased or personal items and vacate your room. If you wish you can place ads in parenting magazines in the event that you desire to seek an offspring position with a new family. Unfortunately, we cannot give you a personal recommendation, but we do wish you well. If you desire access to your quarterly report, submit a request in writing at your earliest possible convenience. And thank you for your service.
31.
As y’all know Miss Prunella Tree is world famous Around her I was like a little child She said I was so innocent and she loved me We stayed together a little while My first big shock was to hear her in the bathroom I never knowed famous folks needed help to go Then she come out with a powder covered cowboy Hee haw and the Opry never let me know When I found her with the football team she said she loved me But she said she had to be as free as a bird Miss Prunella said she put the tree in country But she put in the other part of the word
32.
Where you from, baby? I said - Where you from? Oh, won’t talk, ay Hey, you think you can just turn your back on me and walk away? Well, I’m gonna be in charge around here some day Then there’s gonna be hell for you to pay Yeah, there’s gonna be a missile with your name on it, mama Heading straight for your home town, whereever that is Just so you won’t forget my face the next time I come around Millions and millions are gonna have to die And you don’t even have the common decency to find out why His mama used to lock him in the closet Daddy wasn’t there to say no He was there for his midnight deposit Then he got the bad news and it was time to go Just how many are going to have to end up dead To make you listen, baby, to make you turn your head Don’t you know you’re dealing with the skyscraper here mama, The titan, the big gun, the moon rocket? Not some geek with a pencil in his pocket Maybe you don’t think I’m man enough for you, baby Maybe you’re thinking you can just give me some of your lip But when I’m in charge I’m gonna fill the whole Grand Canyon To the brim with Reddi-wip And put a cherry on top big as the superdome So come on, baby, let’s go home Chorus And in a million years, baby, the space aliens will send their apostles And they’ll want to know what great force blew the human race back to fossils That’s when my grave at the top of the heap Will beckon them higher and higher with its mysterious drone And they’ll stand in awed silence thinking it must have taken one hell of a man to accomplish this much alone And they’ll take of their space hats, baby As they read the words on my stone Chorus
33.
I got nothing to say But I say it so fine I don’t know where I’m going But I’m making good time I can make you so happy That’s a guarantee You’ll never have to worry Cuz you’ll be just like me Dead, dead, dead from the neck up All my claws are clean My fangs are blinding white Plumage to a T In the jungle tonight In a moment of truth I lay myself bare Check my image in the mirror There is nothing there
34.
We’ve seen our share of heartaches But by George we made it through And we’ve seen some extremely distressing situations But by George we made it through And sometimes we remember the history of the world And when we do it makes us feel so mellow

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released December 12, 2014

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Richard Haxton Los Angeles, California

From the middle of Mississippi, served in Viet Nam in Thailand, lives 5,000 feet from the world's oldest freeway. Searches for transcendence - or something - where science meets the spirit. Never quit fighting the war for the groove!

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